Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
