Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
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Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
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Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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