i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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