Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
