just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
