Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
