I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
