sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
