Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
