You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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