Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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