Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
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