He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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