It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
