and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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