I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
