All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
