I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
this hospital has no fireball
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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