she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
