Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
