All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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