My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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