using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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