people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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