K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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