it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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