physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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