I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
