Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
