Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
