Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
