Your face is a jimmy john
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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