I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
