I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
