I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We are all done wearing pants today
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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