You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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