omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
