Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize