On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
