where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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