If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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