her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
