Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
