tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
