that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just want nice things and good sex
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
