I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
