he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My vagina just clenched in fear
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
