This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
