that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
