I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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