i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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