Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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