They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
