you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
