I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
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So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
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I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize