God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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