it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
