My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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