Umm I'm too high to move.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
