Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
