i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
bring money and cleavage
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
